Pretty Peeker
by sissybear
Summary: Humor based on the song Pretty Peeker by Tanglewood. SJ sorta. Fin.


**Pretty Peeker **

_She was my girlfriend _

_I was her guy friend _

"Hey, Carter, wait up!" Jack shouted out to his 2IC. He followed her down the hall to her lab, running to try and catch up to her.

"Sir? What can I do for you?" She closed the file she'd been looking at and directed her attention to her CO.

_We were together_

_All of the time_

"I just wanted to check and see if we were still on for tonight." Jack's eyes sparkled.

It was Friday, and like every Friday, he was just checking to see if they were going to have their weekly team night. They'd just spent two weeks off world together and he didn't quite want to just assume they'd all show up at his place tonight ready for poker, pizza and beer.

_She had blue eyes_

_Blonde hair it was so fine_

As he stood there, waiting for her answer he found himself staring off into her eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of bright blue he'd ever seen. Of course, he loved everything about her. Her wonderful golden locks he could spot across a grassy plain on any planet they could visit.

_Her voice was out of this world_

"Yeah, of course. Usual time?" As she spoke, his heart skipped a beat. He always loved to listen to her talk. It may look like he spaced out when she'd launch into her technobabble, but he was always listening to the pitches and ranges of her voice. He may disregard the words, but he was always listening to her voice.

_Her smile was as bright as pearls_

She smiled at him. That bright smile he could swear was only for him. He loved it, every time it made it's appearance.

"Yeah, 1900. I got the beer, Daniel said he'd pick up the pizza. Just bring whatever you want to." He smiled back at her, feeling like the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders.

"No problem. I'll be there."

_But guys like us were never meant for that girl_

Then life came crashing back as she headed back to her lab. Away from him. Yeah, he didn't stand a chance. He was certain that even if the regulations didn't stand in their way, she'd never choose a washed out, old Fogy like him.

_Don't go swimming in your underwear_

_You never know who might be hiding over there_

Two weeks later Jack and the rest of SG-1 were geared up and ready to meet Jacob on the new planet set to be explored. The Tok'ra had some vested interest in it, but he wasn't quite sure what.

_I met her Daddy_

_He was real nice to me_

**Flashback… **

"Jacob, how's it goin'? The Tok'ra treatin' you right?" Jack headed up the ramp to meet Jacob Carter/Selmak as they exited the Gate.

"Jack, you been taking care of your 2IC?"

"As always." Jack's smile was infectious as it spread to the former General.

**End.**

_But after this story _

_He really hated me_

"**COLONEL O'NEILL!** What have you done to rile up my daughter! And why is she laughing hysterically in her tent?" Jacob stormed towards the embarrassed Colonel who was running up the beach, his clothes in his hands. Of course it was after 2300 hours local time and the planet's only moon was not out on this night.

'_Cuz guys like us were never meant for that girl_

Jack looked up his head hung in shame. He really hadn't meant for it to happen. He thought she was back at the camp, talking to her father.

_Don't go swimming in your underwear_

_You never know who might be hiding over there_

"Jacob I can explain, really. It was nothing inappropriate. I would never do that!" Jack just barely managed to stutter out.

_Decided to go swimming really late one night_

**Earlier that night… **

"Danny, I'm headed down to the lake, get a little relaxation in before I hit the hay." Jack gathered his sidearm and headed off towards the small body of water they'd found upon their cursory preliminary check of the premises.

"Have fun, Jack." They let him go as the CO of the team, knowing it was Jack, he'd never get into any trouble.

_Forgot my swimming trunks but I thought it'd be alright_

Jack meandered down to the water's edge, staring up at the night sky. It really was beautiful out here. No light pollution covering the stars from view.

It was rather warm that night. Nice enough for a dip in the water. He wasn't one to normally go swimming in unidentified water, but there was no sign of Goa'uld and it was getting pretty hot.

He stripped down to his skivvies and made sure he had ready access to his Beretta before heading into the water. It felt cool against his heated skin.

_All the sudden I heard movement over on my right_

What was that! His head shot to the right, hearing the rustling of leaves on the trees lining the beach.

_Looked over and I saw my sugarplum in fright_

"Uh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't realize you were, uh, _swimming_, sir. I was just coming to let you know we're bunking down for the night." With that, Sam ran back to the camp as fast as her legs could carry her.

_Don't go swimming in your underwear_

_You never know who might be hiding over there_

"And, uh, that's where you came in, Sir." Jack had the good graces to look embarrassed in front of his 2IC's father. "I didn't think anybody would come looking for me. I told Danny where I was going."

_Good girls don't like it_

_When you don't obey_

_The words of the profit _

_Which always say_

"Jack, just next time you decide to go swimming in the dark, you should probably wear black boxers, not tighty whities."

Jacob walked off grinning to himself, as Jack looked down, realizing what he was wearing that day.

_Don't go swimming in your underwear_

_You never know who might be hiding over there_

_Always Always Always Always Always wear your pants!_

Yeah, next time, he wasn't going to go swimming at all, never mind what he'd be wearing to swim in.

_Don't go swimming in your underwear, _

_In your underwear, _

_In your underwear_

"Uh, Sir…" _Please wear your pants_

_If not for you for me_

"Pretty Peeker" is the sole property of Tanglewood.


End file.
